I think I can speak for almost every parent when I say they dread the “birds and the bees” talk. Yes, this can be an incredibly uncomfortable subject to have a conversation with your child about but it’s also incredibly important. I’m young enough to still remember my sexual education portion of my health class in middle and high school. The problem with that is that I can sum up everything I learned in one sentence… STD’s are bad, and abstinence is the only way to be safe. See anything wrong with that? I do. Where was the information about birth control options, condoms, safety surrounding sexual relationships, safety regarding relationships in general, or important conversations to have with a sexual partner? Of course, they were touched on during the unit but in total probably only for about 20 minutes in comparison to the rest of the weeklong section. With this being the extent of the education children get in school, it’s not surprising that kids come home with questions. Now let’s talk about how to educate your child yourself in the way you want to.

           

            As uncomfortable as it is to teach your own child about sex, the information you give them will be much better than what they learn in school or what they may have access to on social media and the internet. These conversations begin with young children when they begin to notice the differences between boys and girls. This is the prime time to set up how you want to address these conversations later on in life as they get more in depth. Being as honest (and age appropriate) as possible will begin to form a strong sense of trust between you and your child. If you welcome your children’s interest and curiosity and make them feel heard they will get more and more comfortable talking to you and vice versa. I’ll get really personal as an example of what happens when that trust isn’t there.

           

            When I was 16 years old, I got my first boyfriend and he was a year older and a little more experienced than I was. This was a very safe and healthy relationship but as we were dating longer the advances in sexual contact began to escalate as well. My mom had never had this talk to me and all I knew was what I learned in high school which clearly wasn’t much. I googled a lot of what I had questions about and ended up finding information about how to get birth control, without my mom knowing of course. I drove myself to planned parenthood and begged them not to bill my insurance for my birth control so my mom wouldn’t find out. Flash forward three years later and I finally decided to just tell my mom everything and she was shocked and also upset that I hadn’t told her. She didn’t take the chance to teach me about any of these topics and it backfired a little bit. I wish I would have had the information I got from someone who I knew and had a close relationship with rather than plannedparenthood.com.

            Now, my experience was very minor compared to what could have happened. I could have been in an unhealthy relationship and not known about it or I could have ended up pregnant at 16 because I wasn’t educated. There are plenty of studies out there involving how sexual education is taught in schools, how people feel about teaching sexual education, and how many people are truly knowledgeable about sexual education. One study that I have read mentioned that only 26% of people believed that people are generally knowledgeable enough about STD’s to prevent them successfully. That number is insane to me. This shows how important it is to make sure you’re having these conversations with your children. No matter how uncomfortable it may be, having a conversation about condoms and birth control is going to be a lot easier than having a conversation about a teen pregnancy or a HIV diagnosis. Remind yourself that when you come to the time in your life as a parent that you have to have this conversation.

            Instead of being afraid of how awkward the conversation will be, think about how lucky you are to be able to teach your child how to approach relationships and sexuality safely. They’re going to be just as awkward if not, more awkward during it than you are. Keep yourself educated on these topics too so you are ready to answer your child’s questions when they have them. Think about how much happier emotionally you and your child will be when there is that trust established, and nothing is kept secret. Validating your children’s feelings is so important as a parent and as they begin to become young adults, they’ll have more and more questions about these relationships. Now go and have that sex talk… YOU’VE GOT THIS.